


I Promise

by honeyMellon



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyMellon/pseuds/honeyMellon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never complains, but I know it's taking a toll on him. I can't do this to him. He deserves a better life, one that revolves around him, not me. We both know that he can never have that with me by his side. My chest aches as I realize what I need to do. Oneshot. Sequel to Maybe Tomorrow. It's not as depressing as it sounds, I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Promise

I watch his chest rise and fall steadily as he sleeps. Even in the dim lighting, I can see the dark circles beneath his eyes.

He never complains, but I know it's taking a toll on him.

I had a grand mal seizure this morning. I'd accidentally missed a dose of medication, and the consequence came hard and fast. I'd woken up in Ichi's arms to find him wiping drool from the corner of my mouth. My pants were wet.

I don't know how long I can live like this. I can't do this to him. He deserves a better life, one that revolves around him, not me. We both know that he can never have that with me by his side.

My chest aches as I realize what I need to do. Carefully, soundlessly, I slip out from the bed. I take only the necessities - my meds, wallet, phone, passport, one change of clothes.

I briefly consider going to Renji's, but I quickly dismiss the idea. They've just started talking again, I don't want to ruin their already-fragile friendship. I'll just have to hope that my old college roommate, Nnoitra, will take me in when I show up at his doorstep.

The icy dawn air hits me in the face as soon as I step outside. I pull my winter jacket tighter around myself and close the door behind me.

I buy my train ticket from the old man at the booth and try to ignore his curious glances at my empty sleeve. I'm used to having just one hand by now. What I'm  _not_  used to is having people stare at me. Sometimes I feel like crushing their necks just so they would stop looking at me with pity.

Clutching the ticket, I find a seat in the mostly-empty waiting hall. As soon as I sit down, the weight of my decision descends on my head like a heavy, suffocating cloak. My heart clenches as if something is physically squeezing it. I bite my lip, nearly piercing the skin, to muffle a whimper.

Not being able to wake up next to him.

Never seeing his smile.

Never touching him again.

My god, I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss him so, so much. I can't even begin to describe that feeling. I'm not into spiritual crap, but the closest thing I can think of is that I'm leaving my soul behind. My heart and my soul will always belong to him. Forever.

My eyes are burning. It must be from the cold. I pull my jacket around me once more and blow on my hand to warm it up.

"Grimmjow?"

My head snaps up at the unexpected greeting to find myself staring at a short, wide-eyed woman.

 _Shit_.

I knew that Rukia takes the train to work from here, but I didn't expect her to be here so early.

"What are you doing here?" she asks in surprise.

I avert my gaze. How am I supposed to tell Ichi's best friend that I'm leaving?

"Oh my god," she gasps after a long pause. "You're running away."

I feel a stab of indignation. "No," I say. "I'm saving him."

She snorts. Very unlady-like, that woman. "By stabbing him in the heart. Sure, if you consider that saving him."

"Look at me!" I raise my voice and point to myself. "Don't you see? I'm ruining his life. I can't do this to him, Rukia. I can't."

I didn't see her move until I'm nearly knocked out of the chair. I touch my face dumbly, too stunned to register that she has just slapped me across the face.

"And you think leaving him will make him happier? You're nothing but a selfish coward, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques."

I blink at her shivering frame. She's clutching her hand, her palm a fiery red from the forceful hit she just delivered.

_I'm nothing but a selfish coward._

My eyes prickle. I'm not so sure it's because of the cold this time. She takes another step towards me and grabs me by the collar of my jacket.

Then, she begins to shake me. Her face turns red from the effort, her breath coming in short, loud pants. I let her do whatever she wants because I don't know what else I should do. I've never seen her so mad before.

"You'll kill him!" she screams in my face.

After a while, she lets go of me, and I slump back into my seat in shock. It takes me a few more seconds before I recover. "But...look at me," I say hoarsely. "I'm... _broken._ "

She has tears streaming down her cheeks. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Grimmjow," she says, her voice trembling. "He loves you just the way you are. To him, you're perfect no matter what."

For the first time since the accident, I cry.

She drives me back to our apartment and leaves me at the doorstep. I hold her gaze as she nods and gives me a small smile. Then, as her car pulls away from the curb, I suck in a deep breath and turn to face the door.

The minute I step into the apartment, I hear him. Sobs. Frantic chants of "no, no, no". I hear drawers being pulled open and banged shut.

He's so panicked that he doesn't realize that I'm now standing barely three feet away from him. His eyes are blood shot and he has snot flowing out from his nose.

"Ichi," I say finally. I can hardly recognize my own voice. It sounds like I've swallowed a bag of sandpaper.

He freezes.

"I'm sorry," I choke out. The backpack that I'm holding slips from my fingers and drops to the floor along with my jacket.

He lifts his head and stares at me as though he doesn't believe his eyes. His sleep-mussed hair is sticking out from his head in a thousand directions, and he has creases on his face from the sheets, yet I've never seen anything so gorgeous in my life.

"Where did you go!" he screams.

I catch him as he lunges at me. He's absolutely livid. He struggles against my one-armed grip and punches my chest, over and over again.

And then he kisses me. His fingers snake into my hair, under my shirt, over my stomach. I can hardly breathe under his assault, his lips and tongue completely overwhelming me. His anger shows in the way he rakes his nails over my skin, the way his teeth latches on my neck.

We end up on the bed, him perched on top of me. His face is flushed and sweaty, his honey brown eyes dark with lust and fury behind his lashes. He leans down and presses his lips possessively on mine, his fingers tangling in my hair and holding me in place as he aligns himself over my rigid length.

He silences my cries by clamping one hand over my mouth. With his other hand, he pins my arm to the mattress. I can only watch as his body rises and falls over mine, riding me so hard and fast that the bed frame creaks under our weight.

He peaks without even touching himself, and I follow suit, unable to resist his spasming muscles and the hot, wet sensation of his release coating my abdomen. He gasps and pitches forward, collapsing on top of me and burying his face into the crook of my neck.

"I love you," he whispers in a muffled voice. "I really do, Grimm, even if you don't want me anymore."

I can almost hear my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Does he seriously think that I left because  _I_  don't love him?

Rukia's right. I'm nothing but a selfish bastard. I've only been thinking about myself, wrapped in a bubble wallowing in self pity, assuming that I know what he wants.

I hook my arm over his shoulders and cup the back of his head, threading my fingers through his tangled locks.

"I'm so sorry, Ichi, so sorry," I croak. I turn my head to press my lips on the side of his head. Then, it just slips out of my mouth, three words that I thought I'll never be able to say again.

"I love you," I say, firmly, loudly, because I need him to believe me. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I love you."

I hear his breath catch in his throat. My scalp hurts as he tightens his fist around a shock of my hair.

"You're an idiot," he mutters.

I can't help but let out a chuckle. "No,  _you're_  an idiot."

He laughs. A wide, genuine grin spreads over my face, something that hasn't happened in a long time.

Then, he punches me again, a solid one right in my gut.

"Promise me you'll never do this again," he says fiercely.

I cough, struggling to regain my breath from the unexpected punishment. When I finally do, I turn him around to face me so that he can see that I really mean it.

"I promise."

* * *

**The End.**


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